Just Did A Tup

[Big Man]

Just had a sh*t – overall it was a positive experience. Minimal splashback, no trail on the pan, not too nutty, not too soft. Aroma was of almonds and burnt caramel. Think it was a 3 on the Bristol scale:



I feel refreshed and airy. A definate high point of the day.


Anyone else?

[Dynamo]

Non wipers are the holy grail.

[Bebo]

Non wipers are the holy grail.

 

 

The Phantom Poop.

[Big Man]

The Phantom Poop.

 

Ive only ever had a couple of these in my lifetime. They really are the best.

 

Such a pleasant surprise, like finding a

[Ando]

After a couple of days of heavy drinking and big, heavy, carb-laden meals, I started the day painfully squeezing out some extremely reluctant type 1's, followed swiftly and unexpectedly by a rogue type 4 drone.

 

After a brisk 30 minute stomp from my girlfriend's flat to the train station later this afternoon, my metabolism/system fully kicked into turbo mode after extended standby status, resulting alarmingly quickly in rapid hardcore type 7 liquid deployment

[Big Man]

After a couple of days of heavy drinking and big, heavy, carb-laden meals, I started the day painfully squeezing out some extremely reluctant type 1's, followed swiftly and unexpectedly by a rogue type 4 drone.

 

After a brisk 30 minute stomp from my girlfriend's flat to the train station later this afternoon, my metabolism/system fully kicked into turbo mode after extended standby status, resulting alarmingly quickly in rapid hardcore type 7 liquid deployment

 

Oohh mate - nasty those type 7's especially if its a stinger.

 

Type 1's however, it depends what kind of mood im in whether i enjoy a type 1 or not. Sometimes i quite enjoy mysel: the ''plop,plop.plop'' sound can be quite satisfying - like a machine gun, and if its a particularly hard stool it can put pressure on the old prostate gland resulting in that feeling of pleasure.

 

Its a judgement call really.

 

[Ando]

NOONE believes me

 

but after a solid days drinking i 100% did a jobby, jet black, with a litle white head

 

i took a pic of it on one of my old samsung flip phones, but its been lost now

 

GUTTED

 

Basically you gave birth to a pint of Guinness

[Big Man]

Had a curry and a large Dominos floating about in my gut till about 20 minutes ago.

 

Probably near a 3 I would say, which is pleasing all things considered.

 

 

Wow.

 

90% of the time a dominos for me results in a premature type 5 followed 30 minutes later by type 7 (stingy).

 

That is f**kin good going from you

[Foster14]

I can never tell what kind of poop I have done, they all look the same to me.

[Big Man]

I can never tell what kind of poop I have done, they all look the same to me.

 

Philistine...

 

[dervish]

In my old flat had a tiny shitter, but proudest moment of my life was a type 3 so big that it jammed across the pan and did not touch the water. Like a little faeces bridge of achievement, on one side was my life before and on the other my life to come and I knew it would be better.

[King Street Loon]

I'm currently going through a phase of 6 or 7.

 

My diet needs changing I think.

[Big Man]

Ke1t how does having a sh*t over there compare with over here?

 

Has your dominant type changed since moving....

 

[Ke1t]

Ke1t how does having a sh*t over there compare with over here?

 

Has your dominant type changed since moving....

 

 

I have to say my shits all largely sink nowadays, whereas they used to always float. I'm not sure if the fat in my Scottish diet acted as a form of rudimentary buoyancy, or if there's some chemical in American food that makes sh*t sink like a brick.

 

Could be there's more gravity in America, I don't know, I'm not the scientific sort to be honest. I'm more your f**king artistic type, if you know what I mean...

[Podge]

The thing that got me when I went to Canada (Calgary and Vancouver for a bit), was the toilets there are filled up with water, then when you flush, it just takes all the water out, then fills it back up. As opposed to here in the UK where there's the tiny little bit in the bottom of the bowl, over there (is America the same?) it's filled right up as if the toilet is flooded.

 

It was right after I got off the plane in Calgary that I went into the toilet, ended up going in and out of 3 cubicles thinking "sh*t, they need to sort out their blocked toilets in this country!" then eventually realised that the toilets were just different and I was just being a tourist.

[DD1903]

had a very pleasing number 4 today. a pleasant experience.

 

anyone ever been badly constipated before?! thats not a nice experience...went 10 days once without a sh*t. was horrid - the doc eventually gave me some sachet'd stuff that you were meant to put 1 of into a small glass of water...he told me to put 6 in a pint of water. holy f**k that was an hour on the shitter i hope to never experience again! however, i did feel a lot lighter on my feet afterwards.

[BrianFaePerth]

I have to say my shits all largely sink nowadays, whereas they used to always float. I'm not sure if the fat in my Scottish diet acted as a form of rudimentary buoyancy, or if there's some chemical in American food that makes sh*t sink like a brick.

 

Could be there's more gravity in America, I don't know, I'm not the scientific sort to be honest. I'm more your f**king artistic type, if you know what I mean...

 

Eh hate taking a dump in the US. The bogs have far too much water in them, so yer turds look like they're trying tae swim the channel

 

Worst of all are they European bogs that are backwards. Yer sh*t sits in a dry bit until flushed doon the tiny wee drain bitty at the front. Environmentally friendly maybe, but when ye've been on the lash, are hungover, and curl out a stinking black turd, it fair gies ye the boak.

[Robbie Winters]

Eh hate taking a dump in the US. The bogs have far too much water in them, so yer turds look like they're trying tae swim the channel

 

Worst of all are they European bogs that are backwards. Yer sh*t sits in a dry bit until flushed doon the tiny wee drain bitty at the front. Environmentally friendly maybe, but when ye've been on the lash, are hungover, and curl out a stinking black turd, it fair gies ye the boak.

 

Agreed, remember my first experience of these in Holland, it was a touching experience believe me, litterally looking between my legs and having an intimate moment with my own #3 I would say. Certainly nae good on a warm day as it generally hightened the waft just sitting there smouldering

[StandFree1982]

After an indian meal last Friday i was stuck at 7 for quite a while! I eat a lot of spicy food so would have expected my body to have gotten used to the shock of the Vindaloo I had! Ah well.

[CrazyBullSheep]

I had a ferociously hot curry last night, followed by a wee Baskin n robbins cone. I never realised this before but Dairy after spicey foods is not a f**king good idea.

 

I spent 20 painful minutes driving back to the staffhouse, with my arse cheeks clamped together like a f**king clam. While Rashid talked about how lovely the meal was and how he couldn't wait to get home and wash his feet. Anyway, finally got to the staffhouse and gingerley made it up the flight of stairs to my room where I got to the bog.

 

Thing is I managed to get my kecks aff but I knew if I bent over then a Type 7 missile was going to be splootered all over the wall so I kept the legs straight as possible and ambled my arse down to the toilet. Several minutes of Loud Parping and watery gooshes ensued, until everything was expelled.

 

Today I am feeling a little tender, my arse now knows what a dragons nostril feels like.

 

Toilet roll is in the fridge now too.

[BrianFaePerth]

I had a ferociously hot curry last night, followed by a wee Baskin n robbins cone. I never realised this before but Dairy after spicey foods is not a f**king good idea.

 

I spent 20 painful minutes driving back to the staffhouse, with my arse cheeks clamped together like a f**king clam. While Rashid talked about how lovely the meal was and how he couldn't wait to get home and wash his feet. Anyway, finally got to the staffhouse and gingerley made it up the flight of stairs to my room where I got to the bog.

 

Thing is I managed to get my kecks aff but I knew if I bent over then a Type 7 missile was going to be splootered all over the wall so I kept the legs straight as possible and ambled my arse down to the toilet. Several minutes of Loud Parping and watery gooshes ensued, until everything was expelled.

 

Today I am feeling a little tender, my arse now knows what a dragons nostril feels like.

Toilet roll is in the fridge now too.

 

Going to dinner with another man and a sore erse the day

 

Do you ken Rumpus?

[CrazyBullSheep]

Going to dinner with another man and a sore erse the day

 

Do you ken Rumpus?

 

 

never really thought that through did I

[daytripping]

Was on the stellas last night and just produced a number 7 in he works bog, was a relief to get it out to be honest, had been farting and making gurgling noises all morning.

 

Anyone else use the time productively and get through half a newspaper? I always do, getting paid whilst sitting reading the paper, bliss, even better doing it in overtime.

[barassie_afc]

Was a guy in my work who used to leave monster like this........ to this day still never knew who is was

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dlh5gM0xgyw

[King Street Loon]

Had a #6 earlier today and I suffered severe ring sting as a result.

[Big Man]

There are some health proffesionals that advocate adding a type 8 to the bristol scale:

 

 

Type 8: Stool has a mucous-like consistency, with bubbles and a foul odor (sprayed out). This may indicate unsafe amounts of alcohol and/or recreational drugs.

 

Does anyone have an opinion on this? When was your last type 8?

 

[dj_bollocks]

Is Type 8 not a post anal sex sh*t/slurry ?

 

I fear this thread will end up in the Classic Thread Hall of Shame...

[Big Man]

Is Type 8 not a post anal sex sh*t/slurry ?

 

I fear this thread will end up in the Classic Thread Hall of Shame...

 

No - i've read that prolonged anal sex can give rise to fecal incontinence of the type 8 variety but its definately not a pre-requisite.

 

I had a really bad bout of type 8 a few years ago, as a result of food poisoning from a dodgy piece of fish.

 

It looked like liquid gold, but stunk to high heaven. Not a pleasant experience.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ddUotyR3WEA&feature=player_embedded

[granite sheep]

What about the dreaded dump after a night out on the piss, where your arse turns into a machine gun, each one humming of anti freeze. Gets worse if you'd been on the whisky or shots.

The other one that I dread is the day after having a big roast dinner, you usually end up producing something with dimensions similar to that of a large beer can.

[tightbreeks]

some unfortunate porn starlets have had to resort to nappies because of the 3-ups they've had. it's all gone slack.