muttondressedaslamb Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 I know I'd like you to talk dirty to me but that's nae fit I hid in mind God you're so illiberal screwing your face up at a bit of scat Link to comment
ollie1903 Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 God you're so illiberal screwing your face up at a bit of scat What's that. The result of wipin' yer airse we a moggy? Link to comment
muttondressedaslamb Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 What's that. The result of wipin' yer airse we a moggy? Someone corrupted my young mind with one priest one nun and two girls one cup to show me what that word meant Link to comment
ollie1903 Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 Someone corrupted my young mind with one priest one nun and two girls one cup to show me what that word meant We had a boy at work who's breath stunk. We ca'd him poomoo Link to comment
Jocky Balboa Posted September 18, 2011 Share Posted September 18, 2011 Freud would've had a field day with this thread... Link to comment
The Boofon Posted September 18, 2011 Share Posted September 18, 2011 Now that we don't have a Queen Mother (for a few years) is there anyone else who took over the position of shitting toothpaste? What I hear you ask. Mate of mine always used to say "Only the Queen Mother shits toothpaste" if he'd dropped one and someone complained about the smell. Anyway since it's shit we're talking surely it's only a matter of time before we get onto the subject of Nobby Stiles or haemorrhoids if you're posh. Oocha they look sore. Never had them myself thankfully. Link to comment
Betty Swallicks Posted September 18, 2011 Share Posted September 18, 2011 Now that we don't have a Queen Mother (for a few years) is there anyone else who took over the position of shitting toothpaste? What I hear you ask. Mate of mine always used to say "Only the Queen Mother shits toothpaste" if he'd dropped one and someone complained about the smell. Anyway since it's shit we're talking surely it's only a matter of time before we get onto the subject of Nobby Stiles or haemorrhoids if you're posh. Oocha they look sore. Never had them myself thankfully. Boy sounds a bit hunnish wi his queen mum love. Nobby stiles, nae fine, only had them a couple o times but a pain in the erse right enough. Link to comment
bonzodaddy73 Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 Type #3 Clean wiper. :dance: Link to comment
RAZOR Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 Bobby Conner shits on cats Link to comment
bonzodaddy73 Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 I shag on a bird once. Link to comment
bonzodaddy73 Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 ^^^^^^Shat! Predictive txt Grrrrr. Link to comment
RAZOR Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 I shag on a bird once. Your one above mini then,congrats. 1 Link to comment
Henry Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 Just had a cracker of a Type 3, was a monster. Link to comment
Big Man Posted June 17, 2012 Author Share Posted June 17, 2012 Just shaved my ring, did a type 3 and used this new toilet paper: It smells of aloe vera. Now I don't know who or what aloe vera is, but it did my arse up a treat... So much so, I'm thinking of making this my permanent brand of toilet paper. Link to comment
spamspamspam Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 Just shaved my ring, did a type 3 and used this new toilet paper: It smells of aloe vera. Now I don't know who or what aloe vera is, but it did my arse up a treat... So much so, I'm thinking of making this my permanent brand of toilet paper. Its amazing that something so soothing can come from such a harsh prickly fucker of a plant I grow them with my cacti, wouldn't wipe my arse with it though Link to comment
muttondressedaslamb Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 Aloe Vera Isn't that a greeting Charles Green says every evening to his wife after a hard day's graft delivering Hovis? Link to comment
The Boofon Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 Its amazing that something so soothing can come from such a harsh prickly fucker of a plant I grow them with my cacti, wouldn't wipe my arse with it though How many cacti do you have? What type and how big are they? Is it peyote by any chance? Link to comment
bonzodaddy73 Posted August 15, 2013 Share Posted August 15, 2013 Thought I'd make myself a fry up as I was feeling a bit peckish. I take it I gave myself food poisoning as I just had to endure a full on type 7. I think my ring will be suffering the trauma for a few days as was the severity of the evacuation. 1 Link to comment
reekie_dock Posted August 15, 2013 Share Posted August 15, 2013 Used to live in Lossiemouth and the pizza place used to serve up a pizza called the Volcano. Too say it was fine would be an understatement, however it was jammed to the rafters we jalipenos ( that was my tenth attempt at spelling it) The pleasure pain ratio was about 3:2 after one oh these badboys. I went for my morning deposit and after shitting through the eye oh a needle i had to ask for my ex to kindly go and fetch some ice cubes as ma dung pipe was on fire....... I still miss them Pizzas...... 3 Link to comment
King Street Loon Posted August 15, 2013 Share Posted August 15, 2013 I've been on the shitter all day. I think too much alcohol and lastnights KFC when I left O'Neills have caused my discomfort. Link to comment
granite sheep Posted August 15, 2013 Share Posted August 15, 2013 Been eating real healthy of late, plenty fresh fruit and veg: managed not one, but two #3s over the course of the day, all studded with the sweetcorn fae yesterday's tuna may salad.... I've heard fae someone that the sewage plants have these huge filters for separating out sweetcorn kernels fae shite, Christ alone knows what they do with it all... Link to comment
Huntlysheep Posted August 15, 2013 Share Posted August 15, 2013 Been eating real healthy of late, plenty fresh fruit and veg: managed not one, but two #3s over the course of the day, all studded with the sweetcorn fae yesterday's tuna may salad....I've heard fae someone that the sewage plants have these huge filters for separating out sweetcorn kernels fae shite, Christ alone knows what they do with it all...You've heard o green giant sweetcorn? Link to comment
ChutneyLove Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 I think there was about 15 years where I never had a clean break. Get them quite frequently now that my alcohol consumption is so low. Got to say, I do smile when it happens. Even if I have the most perfectly clean break ever though, I still pull out some more shit tickets for another wipe. I don't think this is a double checking maneuver, more just knowing I'll get a second satisfying clean sheet. Link to comment
granite sheep Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 Curry last night: king prawn vindaloo with pilau rice and peshwari naan. Turned my arse into a Flak 88, spewing highly toxic, high explosive #5's all over the bowl. Being flak, shot down many of the flies circling my arse in the bowl. 3 wiper, awesome. Link to comment
dervish Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 If you had to pick, type 6 or type 1 for the rest of your life which would you pick? Link to comment
alscotoz Posted August 17, 2013 Share Posted August 17, 2013 If you had to pick, type 6 or type 1 for the rest of your life which would you pick? 6 for me. Been a type 4 for a while now. Too much liquid IMO. Link to comment
chief_wiggum Posted August 17, 2013 Share Posted August 17, 2013 Chicken Vindaloo last night, already been to the bog twice for number 6s My arse is like a dragons nostril. Update, Been for shit # 3 and it was more like a number 7 Link to comment
Jigot Posted August 18, 2013 Share Posted August 18, 2013 If you had to pick, type 6 or type 1 for the rest of your life which would you pick?Type 6, it's easier to rinse oot the colostomy bag and I hate Maltesers. Link to comment
looksgoodinred Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EeWh464RlGU#t=33 too much time + some person's hands = 5 minute video Link to comment
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