Thread O Unsolicited Life Advice

[Betty Swallicks]

https://www.joe.co.uk/sport/star-auburn-university-gymnast-breaks-both-of-her-legs-in-gruesome-fall-226804

 

For the curiously minded viewers.

 

"I think she may be hurt" says the obviously expert commentator.

[strachanmcgheegoal]

Just get up and run it off. Sideways and crablike obviously.

[Hewitt a the pies]

Never EVER slam a car door on yer sisters fingers again.

[Don Fonte]

Never trust a man who pisses in the cubicles when there's a urinal available.

[Foster14]

Never trust a man who pisses in the cubicles when there's a urinal available.

 

Agreed.  Though, what about when the only one available is one of the urinals designed for children or vertically challenged people?  Any exception there?

[Foster14]

Often a result of 'shy cock' relying on cubicles ^

 

But I concur GB son - whilst the dirty urinal users are splashing drips of urine all over themselves, the floor and their lovers hair - old Dad is safely behind door, talcing, combing and aftershaving himself to victory.

 

Terrific

 

Can piss in a urinal without touching anything other than your own clothes and body.

 

Fa kens how much faecal matter there is on the door you've closed before you do all those things to yourself.  

[looksgoodinred]

That's it son - know your toilet.

 

If in doubt - head elsewhere.

 

Great idea for an app - where is the nearest toilet? - that way you afford to be a fussy prick.

 

there is already. toilet finder apps. several of them.  

[YorkDon]

there is already. toilet finder apps. several of them.

Grinder?

[Poodler]

Net et.

 

This motherfucker is wise. All manner of beasts in public lavvies wanting to receive some swollen goods.

 

Cubicle is where it's at. Door locked obviously, in case Seabass is lurking. @@Poodler

Haha love that scene.

 

 

 

Toilet behaviour separates the men from the boys.

 

It takes a real comfortable man to use the middle urinal when the two side ones are taken.

 

I enjoy doing it, instantly makes some people feel awkward

[Fridge]

I’ve never understand the thing about not being physically able to pish in front of somebody else. Surely if you need to pish it just happens, it’s nae like you are having to make a speech and might crack under pressure. If you need to pish surely nature just let’s it happen.

[The Boofon]

Trying to pish while on multiple ectos (or kikaine) is horrendous but a feeling better than ejaculation when it finally flows.

[Ke1t]

Can't go for a pish right after fucking. 

 

I don't know if that's normal, so I'll assume it is. 

[dazzy_deff]

Trying to pish while on multiple ectos (or kikaine) is horrendous but a feeling better than ejaculation when it finally flows.

Mind the first time I took an ecto, found myself in a somewhat state of panic.

 

Incredible relief though eventually...

[Fridge]

But if you’re screaming for a pish say at the football, surely no matter how anxious you are about it being in public it would happen. It’s not like your body can just store it up or you can decide not to go?

[Poodler]

Can't go for a pish right after fucking.

 

I don't know if that's normal, so I'll assume it is.

 

Goes bloody everywhere

[Ke1t]

I took some Benadryl the other night, thinking I was just going to bed to sleep... because Benadryl knocks me the fuck out in about 30 seconds flat, and I'm retarded for the the next 8 - 10 hours. 

 

Turned out the wife wasn't having that, and basically forced me into performing, even though I could neither achieve nor maintain an erection, keep my eyes open, and I was already drooling into my own pillow when she decided she was getting it. To my credit I managed to complete the task, even though she was ragdolling the fuck out of my largely unresponsive cock. 

 

I haven't felt like that since my dentist (possibly) raped my mouth a few months back. 

[manboobs109]

It always ends up about sex with you cunts doesn't it? You've all spent too much time abroad picking up their filthy, foreign animalistic ways.

[Ke1t]

Haha.

 

Maybe it was the monkey that started aids.

 

Was she wearing a Hibs top?

 

Doubler 

[Ke1t]

Haha.

 

Maybe it was the monkey that started aids.

 

Was she wearing a Hibs top?

 

Pets aren't allowed on the furniture in my hoose. 

 

It was definitely the wife, since I've heard nothing but how disappointing it was since Sunday Morning.

 

A Hibee AIDS monkey would have forgotten about it by now, though... so maybe that'll be a future investment. 

[manboobs109]

Racist.

 

What's your life advice Moobsy old chap?

Don't get bothered about what cunts think about you and don't bang on about your shit. Nobody gives a fuck about your motor, clothes, what your sprog gets up to, everybody has their own shit going on.

[Fridge]

This and girl chat from birds unless there is a remote chance of getting to pump them.

 

I don’t give a fuck that Nathan has scouts tonight and your granny hasn’t got long to go.

 

And guys who to try to chip in during football chat at the office when they clearly have fuck all idea what they are on about.

[Sonoftherock]

This and girl chat from birds unless there is a remote chance of getting to pump them.

 

I don’t give a fuck that Nathan has scouts tonight and your granny hasn’t got long to go.

 

And guys who to try to chip in during football chat at the office when they clearly have fuck all idea what they are on about.

 

Change 'the office' to 'the pub' and you've got @@Bluto10

[Fridge]

Ha. Millertime at the photocopier on a Monday morning must be doing someone’s nut.

[Bluto10]

aye ok Sue

[BrianFaePerth]

Haha love that scene.

 

 

 

Toilet behaviour separates the men from the boys.

 

It takes a real comfortable man to use the middle urinal when the two side ones are taken.

 

I enjoy doing it, instantly makes some people feel awkward

That confirms my belief that it is done by men who want to eye up cocks.

[Poodler]

No more pool vibes now.

 

Central urinal vibes

 

 

 

As moobs said earlier, small talk is rubbish. I do like the WhatsApp groups with the mob though. When you get to see the boobs of a young thing one of them is riding and he completely undermines her dignity and respect by sharing it. Do like that. Probably right up until the day I have a daughter

[Chewie37]

When you pee from side to side in the middle urinal, you all of a sudden get extra elbow room

[Parklife]

Why would anyone go to the cubicle when a urinal is free? Strange behaviour.

[Foster14]

What's the situation when you are carrying multiple shopping bags?  Acceptable to use the cubicle?

[Henry]

Multiple shopping bags